yura

Fish Tank
Prologue

Fishes that live their entire life inside a tank, would think that the tank is the entire world.Fresh water, elaborate structures that it can swim across, above and under, food that simply appears from above its head. That are everything the goldfish know about its world. Until one day, while it was squeezing itself through a tiny crack under a wood structure covered in underwater vegetation, it hits its head on something.Thud.It was a very loud thud that keeps echoing in its head but the other fishes in the tank doesn’t seem to notice anything. The goldfish took a glance around and found itself in an area that it has never been to before, it looked around excitedly. Its head turned to the direction where it has made a massive impact with, only to find out that it’s a smooth wall, not the messy wood structures that it’s been used to for all this time. There is shadows of… bigger creatures moving about in the wall. The goldfish has no idea what is inside the wall but it kept looking.Hours turn into days and days turn into months. The goldfish seemed to have found itself secret spot to go to everyday. It would look straight into the smooth wall and try to understand what is happening.Gigantic creatures would stand vertically and move about with two elongated body structures stretching from beneath them, and they would communicate with each other through vibrations in the air.The goldfish does not completely understand the mirage it sees in the wall but it kept looking.At certain periods of time, the creature in the wall will approach the wall forming a dark shadow in the wall and above itself and droplets of food will come down from the above. All the other fishes will rush to the source of their food and eat them before they got eaten. The goldfish did not move nor eat any of the food this time, it just stay at the same place, with the smooth wall beside it, observing everything.One day, the goldfish came down with a sudden urge to leap. It cannot explain its train of thoughts but there is an unspoken urge to leap upwards into the direction of the black shadow above. Maybe it can finally figure out what the creatures in the walls are about.Without warning, the other fishes around the goldfish watched it as it swam to the surface of the water above and leaped. The goldfish finally made it outside of the water and for a brief moment, it sees that the world that it was in is nothing but a rectangular shaped structure. It felt an immense epiphany, a feeling that it cannot explain to itself.But then it landed. On a cold hard surface, struggling to breathe and struggling to move. It’s gills doesn’t work anymore outside of the tank, and it’s tails and fins flapping helplessly on the ground out of water.The goldfish watched as the giant creatures it saw in the walls approaching it, their dark shadows looking over.Maybe they’ll help me and accept me to be one of them, or even help me becoming one of them! The goldfish thought naively.But the next thing it knows, it all became darkness.Maybe it should’ve stayed in the fish tank, maybe it could survive…. Surviving the rest of it’s life inside a tank.

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Sweat dripped down the neck, seeping into the collar of my shirt, vision turned hazy under the scorching late morning sun, I dragged my footsteps forward one step at the time hoping that I'd reach my destination faster.I don’t like summer.

One reason is because of the temperature. It’s hot and sweat tends to get trapped under the layers of clothing. The air feels suffocating to breathe in without any breeze. Well the other reason is… a rather long story.To begin, I shall take this back to the time when I was much younger.The seasons usually pass by way too fast for me to notice most of my life. For a good portion of my life it has just been the temperature difference and seasonal decorations in the mall. Occasionally, mom will bring back some fruits that's in season. Which always makes me happy, just a little.With the blink of the eye the temperature outside dropped or rises. I can still vaguely remember being able to keep track of the seasons as a child, but as I grew older, life has just been exam after exam. I admit, you don't really notice the change in seasons if you are being ferried from class to class and permanently keeping the room air conditioned to 20 degrees celcius. Because seasons came in the form of exam papers.I wasn't really a rebellious child nor a teenager. For the first eighteen years of my life, I listened to what my mother said. Get good grades, get a job that will allow you to stay in an air conditioned office until retirement. I did not question it, it seems like that is the goal of everyone around me as well. Standing out means getting punished, fitting in gets you somewhere, that’s what we were taught. In a sense, I’d like to think that I am a free man, being able to do whatever I want but also a prisoner of social pressure and obligation. Everybody is supposed to head home after school to make it in time for after school tuition classes. For the first few years of school, I did just that because everyone else did.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡It was a summer’s day, and I was ten years old.One day after school, I overheard a group of students planning to go spend time in the nearby park together after school. That was the first time I realised that it is actually possible to not go home immediately after school.I did something that I have never done in my entire life the following day. I lied to my mother. “Teacher said there will be an extra period after school hours, I will be home a little later.” It was nerve wrecking, yet I felt excited at the same time. I felt like I had control over my life.A million thoughts crossed my mind when I told my mother the lie that I have rehearsed in my head a million times. I mentally breathed a sigh of relief when she barely batted an eye when I told her that I would be home late. It wasn’t really uncommon for certain teachers to request extra hours after school to catch up on teaching progress, so I guess she did not mind it. I just had to be home by the time I usually come home when I had actual extra classes, I will be fine.The next day, school ended right on the dot. There were, in fact, no extra classes. I couldn’t focus at all, during the last two periods of school, my mind was occupied by thoughts. At the back of my head I kept making up scenarios about my mother finding out that I was lying and making a plan B and plan C just in case my mother caught me in the act… or worse… caught me lying.

I only had about 40 minutes before I needed to be on my way home for real. At first I thought of going to the park, the one that some of my classmates would go to sometimes after school. But it’s a little too far from school or home, I would definitely be late if I went there. Instead, I decided to just walk in the same direction to head home… hoping to explore some places that I did not get to when I needed to hurry home. This is when I found this sketchy looking shop, tucked behind a small alley. Its entrance is covered with potted plants with a single hand painted signage that says: Fish Shop. I have always passed by this alley and noticed the abundance of plants in the alley, however this is the very first time I have seen the signage for such a shop.To satisfy my curiosity, I approached the entrance with great caution, with my mother’s voice echoing at the back of my head: Do not go to dark places alone, you’ll get kidnapped and get your organs taken out of you!The door of the shop was open at all times, I could feel the cool air from the air conditioner blowing though the entrance as I approached it.I stepped into the shop not knowing what to expect, I knew in the back of my head what a shop selling pet fishes would look like, however, stepping into an unfamiliar place on my own gives me anxiety.The shop is filled with fish tanks on top of fish tanks, filled with mostly goldfishes of all kinds. The slightly dim interior makes the fish tanks stand out, there aren’t many windows in the shop which probably explains the lack of sunlight. I slowly walked from one tank after another, admiring the goldfishes as they swam under the aquarium lights, and noticed how their scales shimmered as they swam. At the corner of the shop there is a small artificial pond with a small fountain next to it. A few koi fish swam in it with a sign saying “not for sale” beside it.

It didn’t take me too long to finish looking around the shop. It occupied a single lot of a series of shop houses and for some reason whoever owns this place decided to make the backdoor entrance to the shop.“Looking for something?” I jumped when I heard a voice from a distance. I instinctively looked around and noticed that I am the only “customer” in this shop. “Where are your parents?” I turned around and saw a middle aged man wearing a polo t-shirt and worn out cargo shorts carrying a bucket approaching my direction.“I-” Words caught in my throat, I panicked and ran out of the door I came in.I ran home immediately after leaving the place, I knew I did nothing wrong, however the idea of me getting into trouble had stuck in my head for the next few days. I would head home after school everyday, and instinctively walk faster when I pass by the alleyway with a lot of plants, fearing that the uncle with the polo t-shirt might recognise me.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡Days turn into weeks and weeks into months. I eventually stopped caring about the alleyway with the weird shop. The weather had become colder and the days have become shorter. To a lot of us, that does not mean winter is coming, it means finals season.School, home, tuition classes, homework, rinse and repeat. Days go by very fast if your head is constantly buried in books and your head full of math equations and paragraphs of your history textbook. The days of the final exams of the year started just like that. Papers after papers, one question after another. It was brutal.I dreaded dinner time with my mother. Just the two of us on the dining table. Dinner time was usually quiet between us. She never asked how my day was and I never thought of asking hers. The only time I would hear her voice, she was either talking on the phone, or laughing at her TV shows. Very rarelily, she’ll remind me that my future depends on my exam results. And how sad she had become when I didn't listen to her.Plague by the words of my mother, I have survived finals week. And thus it marked the end of the school year. My classmates cheered as they left the classroom, the last school day of the year ended in the sounds of the school bell, happy discussions of students of upcoming holiday plans and teachers reminding everyone of their holiday school work. As for me, I already knew that I would be attending tuition classes to prepare for the next school year.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡The sky was overcast that day. My head was foggy by the time I stepped out of school grounds. Just when I was about to head home directly, I had a sudden epiphany that I am not in a hurry to get home at all! Tuition classes don't happen until a week later. Even the teachers need a break.I did not know where I got the courage from, I did not let my mother know I would be home late, I did not have a specific plan, I did not tell anyone where I was going. I just walked. First, I wandered into the small corner shop right next to the school that carries all sorts of trinkets where you can tell the business is aimed towards primary school children. Cute stationery, sweets and snacks, whatever children will like, the shop has it. The little corner store was crowded, so I left without buying anything.

As I wandered, I found my way back to the alleyway with the potted plants. I did not hesitate and went straight into the tiny entrance. The place is exactly how I remembered it to be. Fish tanks illuminated by fluorescent lights, and the distant sounds of water splashing down from the artificial fountain.There was a few other customers browsing the tanks besides me at the time, and I jumped a little when I noticed the owner person from the last time I was here. Slightly bald and a frown on his face. The same polo t-shirt and pants. He took a glance at me and went back to attending a customer that was choosing a fish in one of the tanks. I stood there watching some fishes being scooped out of the tank and moved to another aisle to look at the other fishes.“Heya kid.” I was mesmerised by the colour variety of the ranchu goldfish when I heard the familiar voice of the uncle came from behind. Like the last time it had happened, I jumped a little, however I did not run away this time, not knowing how to react, I simply look at the uncle without saying anything.“You are not in trouble, kid… Well as long as your parents know where you are.” The uncle walked past me without stopping in his tracks and headed straight to the back of the shop.I never really pay attention to any fish tanks around me nor have an interest in pet fishes in general. I guess it all changed after that day when the uncle told me I’m not in trouble. Every once in a while, I would come visit the shop and take a few glances at the fish in the shop. The uncle (whom I assumed is the owner of the shop), would just let me do my thing, we have never spoken to each other and he would let me walk around the shop freely. I knew to not go into the office at the back of the stores or stick my hands into the fish tanks.I never had much interest in pet fishes. I guess the reason I go fish watching is because that is the only time I had to myself. I am allowed to be myself for a short time. No studying, no exams, no disappointing son, just a schoolboy watching colourful fishes. I wasn’t happy, just at peace.

My father stopped coming home one day, and my mother had grown more and more restless one summer after another. The only time I have seen her smile is when I brought back As in my exam results slip. That unfortunately only happens once every other semester. And eventually none at all. I worked hard during my primary school years and eventually got into a controlled secondary school. The students were much more competitive and the examinations became harder. I stopped standing at the top of the class after the first form.“WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO ME!” I never really understand why my mother would say that to me sometimes. I listened to her, did what she wanted me to- study. Sometimes the work I put in just doesn’t reflect on my examination results, that’s all. My mother would sometimes have these outbursts during dinner time. It used to scare me but I got used to it eventually as it happened more and more frequently.I never actually question why my mother is behaving like this or why my father simply disappeared one day. To me, it is just something that happened. Whenever something happens, I go to the fish shop and look at fishes. Sounds silly for a 15 year old but this actually continued until I graduated secondary school.As I grew older, I came to realise that fathers don’t just leave home and never come back and mothers don’t really scream at their children for no reason. I still remembered the genuine look of concern when I briefly brought this up with my classmates over lunch but like what all teenage boys do, it was forgotten the next day.I was 18 by the time I graduated from school after the fifth form. Life went on after that. My mother stopped talking to me entirely but never asked me to move out of the house. I found a dead end job and have no plans of furthering my studies in a university.The last conversation we ever had was how I was going to ruin my life with examination results as bad as mine. That was the time I showed her my results for the last school exam of my life.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡It has been a while since that happened. And time seems to pass a lot slower as I become an adult. Turns out, 24 hours is actually a lot of time in a day.As I was getting used to having a job, and not going to school anymore, I slowly realised that I could actually do things I wanted to without having to think about studying for exams. It was liberating yet it scares me at the same time. It’s like venturing into a new unknown.

This is probably very silly to a lot of people but turns out the world that I learnt from books and screens were actually real. Seasons of the year are no longer different sets of exam papers but actually means trees changing colours and seasonal displays of all sorts.I began exploring places a lot further than home on the days I do not work. Some days, I visit cafes that I’ve seen being advertised but never been to. Some days, I decided to go the other direction of the road I always travel on. And maybe once or twice, I find myself going back to the little odd fish shop again.

I never buy any fishes, the uncle never said anything. It’s like we are all riding on our own rhythm, in this symphony called our world. The extra few hours that I have to myself became precious to me.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡I don’t remember much about that day. I was walking home as usual and suddenly I was on the ground, I remembered seeing the asphalt ground, feeling the rough surface against my face and hearing lots of noises. For a brief moment, I am able to push myself up with both of my arms. I didn’t know what happened, but I knew it wouldn’t be safe to be in the middle of the road.This is when I realised that I can’t feel my legs. A plague of black took over my vision quickly and the next thing I know, it’s darkness.It was a very dark place. I did not know how long I was here but it felt like a dream. Its like you are waking up but still dreaming. I struggled to keep my eyes open and focus on the surroundings. All I can tell is, I’m in the middle of a place where I am surrounded by darkness

The next thing I came to notice is that I am not actually suspended in the air, however it felt more like floating in a very dark part of the ocean. There was something that sounded like voices echoing from a distance… And then I felt the water around me vibrate, an even darker shadow times bigger than myself approaches my direction, as it got closer, there are several of them. I felt like I should do something but my body wouldn’t move.I was in the ocean, listening to a lullaby sung by mysterious gigantic shadows. My eyelids once again grew heavy.White ceilings and some beeping sounds I couldn’t identify. This was what I saw when I opened my eyes once again. My body felt really heavy, I felt like throwing up the moment I tried moving a limb.It took me a while back then, however it did not take me long to realise that I am in on a hospital bed, hooked up to machines and drips that I did not recognise, a brief glance over my body had made me realised that every inch of my body was covered by all sorts of bandages and gauzes as well, it was like I’m actually sick and injured.I laid there, unable to move, and talk, eyelids half opened thinking about whatever I can think of. Did I die? My mother? And strangely enough the strange fish shop crossed my mind as well.Eventually I heard footsteps approaching my direction. It was a lady with her hair up and wearing some sort of hospital uniform and a medical face mask. “Okay lets see how you are doing…” I heard her tapping on the machines and writing notes on the writing board she brought with her.And then our eyes met.“Oh my?? You are awake!” Well barely, I remembered I struggled to keep my eyes open at the time, probably because I was given a very high dosage of pain medication.Everything after that happened very slowly but it was also over in a flash. Slow as in it really took me a very long while to be able to move on my own again and fast because I didn't want to look back to those 4 months stuck in a hospital.“Is he the one? That was in the accident?”“Yeah that’s the one.”Occasionally I would overhear people in the physiotherapy and rehabilitation center talking about me, nothing too weird, just surprised that I was able to survive the accident that I was in.Later I learned that the accident that I was in was a really bad road accident, bad enough to be on the news for a few days. Apparently, a lorry went out of control and slammed into a nearby building, and I was the unlucky one that got hit in the process. The therapist eventually told me that I was in such bad shape when I arrived at the hospital that nobody thought I would survive the night, it was really a miracle that I even woke up at all. The other staff around us at the time did tell me to look up the news itself if I wanted to know more, however I did not have the courage to do so when I was in the hospital.As for my mother, she was with me when I was in the hospital. I did not ask her to come, she just showed up a day or two after I woke up, I did not question it and she did not talk to me either. She took care of me when I needed it and went back home, and then I would see her again the next day. I wasn’t actually sure what I should be thinking, about myself or my mother. At the end of the day, I just shut my eyes and be glad that I still have time in this world.By the time I was released from the hospital, I remembered how the doctor told me that I was really lucky, lucky enough to be able to move like I did before any accidents happened, still that was the worst few months of my life.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡The first signs of my current problem did not occur until the next summer.By the time the next summer came, I had already recovered enough to get around on my own, no one would have thought I was a survivor of a deadly road accident over a year ago. Even I did not believe it, and life went on after that.

I showed up to the place where I used to work about a week after getting discharged from the hospital and see if there’s still any work for me, however by the time I went back, they had already hired another guy to fill in the position. I was automatically let go of my last job because no one thought I'd be able to come back to work.As for my mother I wouldn’t say she had calmed down, because she would still have her emotional outbursts from time to time. However she did stop talking entirely to me, I figured she wouldn’t mind what I do in life as well so I finally used the new job as an excuse to move out from my mother’s house.
After a little bit of asking around and trying, I was able to find another dead end job as a store clerk again, but the store was located slightly further than my last job.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡I still remember, it was exceptionally hot that day. The sun was hanging right on top of my head and my body gradually fel heavier and heavier each step I took.i have walked under the sun plenty of times in my life but I have never fely like I was going to pass out. This is rather odd I felt like...I can't breathe.I stopped in the middle of the road and places my palmm on top of my knees, trying to catch my breath. The shape of the shadows akways make me laugh at times like this, with the sun blazing from directly on top of my head, the shadows always appear in the weirdest shapes possible."I should move to somewhere with shades." I thought to myself, seeing irregular spots of black started to form at the corner of my vision.I slowly got up from holding my knees and met a few pairs of eyes of some passerby by chance. Some are concerned, some squinted their eyes, some look visibly annoyed. A sense of panic washes up my chest because I realised that I have obstructed the foot traffic of a lot of pedestrians by stopping abruptly in the middle of the walkway.Feeling sick and embarassed, I moved aside and thought that I have to quickly find somewhere cool and away from the sun that I can take a break.I turn around and take a look left and then right, hoping to spot a supermarket or a convenience store nearby that I can go into. However to my disappointment, there are no shops around that I feel comfortable to go into. There is a fashion boutique, a dentist's office and a restaurant within walking distance and I doubt either businesses would welcome a sweaty stranger in their premises to just 'take a break'.I have got no choice but to keep walking, trying to keep myself from passing out, at least until I can finy d somewhere safe to do so. When I once again lift my head up to look around again, I founf that I have came back to a familiar area.The small alley with potted plants.It felt strange. Memories from 10 years ago came to my mind once again. The dark alley with the strange fish shop at the end.I didn’t know the shop was still around, I thought.Remembering how the little fish shop was air conditioned, I went in without a second thought.Just when I thought I can finally take a break from the heat, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest and my head felt like its going to explode. Something is wrong with me… No, there is something wrong with this place.Before everything went dark, I could feel footsteps approaching me. "This is going to be a lot of trouble" I thought to myself. And I was gone.°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡When I finally came to, I was woken up by the smell of incense. The room was dark and the air was filled with the scent of wood and incense. The only light that illuminated the room was a few small windows. It is a very small room with vintage wood furniture.

When I finally came to, I was woken up by the smell of incense. The room was dark and the air was filled with the scent of wood and incense. The only light that illuminated the room was a few small windows. It is a very small room with vintage wood furniture.“Looks like you’ve woken up.” a voice said from a distance.I still remember the first time I laid my eyes on her. She was a small lady, yet her movements were elegant.“You were not the chosen one.” She said very softly, seems uncertain of her words, I could hear her take a sharp breath at the end of her sentence.Sorry I’m afraid I did not catch what you said.You are… chosen, indeed by the ancient ones. I’m simply just a messenger.And what is that… supposed to mean? Where is this place? I took a glance around this unfamiliar place, reluctantly filling my lungs with incense after each breath. Strangely, I no longer felt nauseous nor suffocated, as I remembered that was the last thing I felt before losing consciousness.You are in a space where we can both safely… exist.Your entire bloodline of people were supposed to be the guardians of the water bodies. Few unlucky ones tend to have awakened their inner spirits.You mean there are more like me?Yes, and no.Excuse me?The lady let out a big sigh.The Mher people, humans, in the words of your language. Are divided into two races. Half of you are the protector of the water bodies and half of you are the protectors of the land bodies. There are no leaders in both races, because everybody’s duty is equally as important.Well you see. All of you guardians aren’t supposed to know what you are. You people are born with the instinct to protect. To keep the world in check.Though rare, anomalies like you do happen…. The ancient ones were the ones responsible for this, I’m simply a messenger.Then what now.The ones that have awakened their inner spirits, shall fulfill their duty by returning to the sea.Wh- NO! I did not ask for this.I see confusion in you. More anger than fear and I am sure that you have more questions, however all of them shall be answered once you have reached the home of the guardians.What about… my life here? This is bullshit, I am human though and through!Then try to come up with an explanation of how you survived the accident. The ancient ones usually wouldn’t bother with life and death, they revived you for a reason.Like it or not… it is your duty now.*hands me a mask. And a pill.This pill gives you more time on the land. Eventually you’ll lose your ability to breathe out of water. Use the time wisely to say your goodbyes, your presence is needed in the shrine of the deep seas.Perhaps destiny isn’t predetermined but chosen. You discover this place isn’t just by chance. It has chosen to be found by you.I wish you luck, child.The room fades to dark and with the blink of an eye, I found myself standing in the middle of a crowded storage room, lights completely off, in darkness.

And this is the reason why I make my obligatory trips to this fish shop… every other month.I stood before this oddly shaped building, a million thoughts raced my mind. In the middle of the blazing heat, I stepped in the shop. The air conditioning cooled down immediately. The air is a lot cooler than outside…

to be continued...
°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡